Love, relationships, sexuality: Yes, deep down, we want to have all of the above, as much as possible in one place. We want to live Love, in a relationship in which we are received in our totality and in which we are hold in the full expression of our sexuality, in the service of our soul and our highest path. This seems to be the stage we are heading towards right now, the stage where humanity will reach the new relational paradigm – the paradigm of conscious relationships, as an expression of our highest potential.
But it is important to understand that in order to have them together – love, relationships and healthy sexuality – we need to differentiate between them. To see in which way they are different, so we can bring them together. And to cleanse each of them of all the conditionings and limitations of the old paradigm.
The old distorted pattern and the old pattern of relationships has brought so much confusion between these terms, that many of us can no longer relate freely to any of these terms. From so many limitations, we have come to believe that love should be felt only in a relationship, that sex is dirty and that the relationship means commitment that must always prevail, even where there is no love or sex anymore. This is how we created mountains of distortion and torment and perpetuated a paradigm of lack of joy and lack of freedom that is time to end.
Love, relationships, sexuality
Love is the supreme energy. It is always unconditional, if it is conditioned it becomes something else. Contract, understanding, compromise – anything but love. Love is divine energy that is self-sufficient, without wanting anything from the other. It can be expressed through relationships and sex, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I think the biggest confusion we experience as human beings is confusing Love with relationships. Love is unconditional, relationships are not. Love just is. For a relationship you need work, commitment, respect, a healthy space between you and the other.
When love comes to be expressed in a relationship, things get complicated because of the many limitations we place on sex and relationships. “If you love me, you should be with me all my life, all the time” is an example of such conditioning. Because we forget that love is freedom and life on Earth has stages and stages. In this stage, it may be okay to love and be in a relationship. At another stage, it may be okay to continue to love each other and move forward into individual paths, in relationships with others, from which we learn what is necessary for our soul at some point.
About sex… We put so many things over sexual energy that we don’t even know what sex means to us. We take confirmations from sex, we cover our wounds through sex, we try to feel loved through sex. And sometimes we try to be different than we are through sex and we forget that sex is always about the truth. Until we make it about something else.
Sex is about the truth of being present in the body at all times and receiving and giving joy through the body. It becomes art when the deepest Love is added to it, at the level of heart and soul.
But, in a paradoxical way, we do not end up being free in this combination of sex and love until we integrate the right to sex just for the sake of sex and joy in the body. Beyond guilt and especially beyond attachments. Beyond programs like “If we have sex, you have to love me forever” or “If we have sex, you must not want to have sex with someone else all your life.” Because these programs come out of fear. And fear is not love. And this fear eventually takes all the love out of sex and turns relationships into a soul-mutilating barter.
When we add to the equation the desire to be in a long-term relationship, everything gets complicated. Because we are beginning to completely confuse all these energies with each other: love, relationships, sexuality. And we start having sex to be in a relationship or to be in a relationship to have sex. We begin to be in a relationship to be loved or to have sex to be loved.
Everything gets mixed up, it gets confusing and we don’t know how we feel anymore. Because we do not assume the places in us from which we can only love, simply from the desire to experience Love. We can only have sex, just to feel pleasure in the body. And we can be in a relationship for the right reason, namely that we choose that relationship with our whole being, because we love someone and we want to make a commitment to that someone.
When we can hold each of these energies in the truth of what each of them is in their essence, we can bring them together into the new paradigm of relationships. Here we are in truth in all aspects of our being, in Love and in sexuality, wanting to share everything we have best in a relationship, in freedom and total acceptance of who we are and who we are.