7 Ideas that Helped Me in my Personal Development process
Yes, it took me some time to get to look at these ideas not like some sayings from books, but like integrated parts from my life.
But the fact that I anchored them through a journey as long as my life so far in a profound and stable place inside of me, offers me the necessary confidence in myself and life. And also the joy to live beautifully and in a meaningful way.
So, today I present to you some of the ideas that marked my inner journey and my process of personal development I’ve been through so far.
A big part of what I am starts, in the most profound way, with my parents.
The most important day in my life was the day when I discovered that at a certain level, I am the same with them because I come from them.
And yes, I tried to shortcut the chain of my life and to believe that I am better than my parents anyway, because I am more educated and more conscious than they have ever been. But that was not the authentic way.
Only when I integrated this truth, I started to have a chance to become more than my parents. To make other choices and to create a different fate than the one they had.
Self love starts with the love for the parents
It’s useless to look in the mirror on a daily basis and to repeat sentences like “I love myself and I accept myself”, if every day we fight with the images of our parents imprinted in our cells.
In time, after going through many phases in my personal development process like distancing, indifference, then anger, judgment and hatred, the war with parents turns into a big and profound compassion towards their lives, their choices and the difficulties they had.
I, who come from two halves that formed a whole, can reach the self love that liberates me only after making peace with those two halves of meat, blood and DNA which I am made of.
The fundamental of personal development: Not making any kind of assumptions about anybody
We produce ourselves and people around the biggest pain when we assume certain things without knowing anything about the other’s perspective.
We assume that the neighbour didn’t greet us this morning because he cannot stand us. But, maybe, 5 minutes earlier he had received a call with bad news and at the time of our meeting his whole being was in a totally different place.
Not to mention how much we assume that the others are happier and luckier than us, not knowing absolutely anything about those people and their personal stories.
Being aware that, very often, between what we say and what the other hears there is a process that is not entirely up to us.
And the other way around, between what others say and what we hear there could happen something that can divert the intention from its initial trajectory.
This is how we can end up harming without intent. Or feel hurt without the person in front of us having the intention to hurt us.
Every time I am bothered by something it would be good to ask myself in what sensitive spot I have been touched and how much of my reaction is because of my own wounds which I should look at more closely.
Likewise, when we hurt somebody without intent, it would be recommended to ask ourselves: how much of the significance that the other gave to my words belongs to me and how much does it belong to the one in front of me? Which is the limit between my inner process and their inner process? This is a crucial question for our personal development
Always trying to say what bothers you at the right moment.
Not after a week, two months or a year. I lost too many relationships and I poisoned too many moments with resentments I dragged with me for years.
The simplest solution was to make my voice heard right in the moment when I was bothered by something or somebody. And simply to say: “I feel that…”
When we refuse in doing so and keep ourselves under the comfortable shelter of “All is okay, I never have any problem with anybody”, maybe yes, we will live in an apparent peace and happiness.
But it would be good to think of how much we refuse to offer ourselves in our relationships in an authentic way. And how much, by maintaining the pattern “I only communicate when I have something nice to say”, we feed appearances and connections that lack profoundness.
Envying someone for what they are or what they have without honouring the price the person pays for what they are or what they have.
If we manage to do this it is be possible to transform envy in something constructive.
Either we will also be capable of paying the same price and we’ll also go towards what we want. Either we will choose not to pay that price too big for us and we’ll become more aware of our place, our limits and what we really want.
And yes, we will learn not to feel shame with what we have because we’ll know that we paid a price for absolutely everything there is in our lives.
I thank to all the teachers I had during those years of learning. I’m grateful for the moments we lived together and for these lessons I learned from them and with them. Maybe some of them were unpleasant, embarrassing or painful. But they weren’t useless. For me it was worth it.