The heaviest inheritance for children: the unlived life of the parents
“I would like to follow my passion, but I cannot do it. Because I have children. I want to quit my job and start following my dreams, but I cannot. Because I have children. I want to divorce because my heart is somewhere else, but I cannot, because I have children. I’d like to do and be something else, with someone else, somewhere else. I want to live my life fully and really enjoy it. But I cannot. Because I have children … “
I have often heard this speech around me. And I wonder, every time: how long will we continue the collective pattern of putting our own fears on our children’s shoulders?
How long will we run away from our own greatness and our own destiny, giving our children the worst example we can give: the one of an unfulfilled life?
Because it is always about how much courage we have to assume who we are and do what inspires us in this world. We have the courage to follow our path or we can apologise and we remain with in a life that is not ours. And the excuses we find through the existence of children are the most painful excuses in the world.
Because in this way, accepting situations by which we break our hearts, putting us at the shelter of the existence of our children, we pass on the most painful paradigm: a paradigm that incarcerates souls. In which you must shut up and suffer. Because you can not have everything in life. Because life means sacrifice and being unhappy. The paradigm in which our parents and grandparents lived.
A new paradigm for our children
We perpetuate a cycle of unhappiness, which is the time to stop. Let’s start playing in another movie, with another scenario. And start telling our children that you can live freely inside, that you can create the life you want, that you can be a victim of a circumstance only if you choose this, that you have to follow your path and what you have come to do on Earth, no matter how many obstacles you encounter.
This is the new paradigm that is the time to start manifesting: to show our children how to live a full life. And this cannot be done without owning who we are. Without realising how much we agree sometimes to stay in situations in which we break ourselves into pieces, lying to ourselves that we are protecting our children.
The truth is that we are in such situations because we do not want to give up the comfort of unhappiness. And putting your own lack of courage on the shoulders of children is the most painful thing we can do.
The example of courage: letting go of our unlived lives
Any transformation and change in the life of the parents, if assumed and made responsible, will fall, in the child’s soul, eventually, in the right place. But what will be very difficult to find place for in a child’s soul is the feeling of having parents who have not lived their lives and have not reached their potential.
That bitterness in the soul of the unhappy parent hanging like a burden on the shoulders of the child. That permanent guilt that the child will feel when his soul pushes him out of the box in which the loyalty to his parents imprisons him. These are the heaviest things to heal.
A necessary divorce, a timely break-up, a career or location change, a transformation of destiny, made with responsibility and in order to truly follow our heart – all this is something that may bring pain to the child, for a while. But, in the end, will open a new perspective in his soul: that of having a worthy model to follow in the parent who had the courage to open themselves to life, with boldness. And with a rejuvenated heart by the joy of following the right way.
It is the most beautiful heritage we can leave to our children. Just as the heaviest inheritance is the bitterness of our soul imprisoned in the shell of an unlived life.